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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26107663">How It Could Be With You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShutUpandPull/pseuds/ShutUpandPull'>ShutUpandPull</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Castle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Timeline, Caskett, F/M, Romance, Season 2, Season 3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:27:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26107663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShutUpandPull/pseuds/ShutUpandPull</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I picked up a thing from s2 and dropped it into late s3. Caskett does the rest.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kate Beckett &amp; Richard Castle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It happened in a flash, in little more than a blink.</p>
<p>The taxi Rick was riding in hadn’t even come to a complete stop before he’d jumped out and set off down the sidewalk at a sprint, trying like hell to get there--to get to her--but no sooner did he get there than it blew, as though in some cruel and calculated twist it’d been waiting for that very instant, and despite how his heart and mind raced from the shock, that was the very moment the second hand of his life-watch began to tick in slow motion.</p>
<p>Even before he could gather himself to turn and look, to see with his eyes what was left of the building in which Kate lived, he felt the heat from the fireball invade the threads of his clothes and flash the whole of him, and though its effect was mitigated by his fortunate distance from the blast, the burn it delivered was anything but superficial.</p>
<p>It was a sting unlike any he’d ever experienced before, an ache raw and ruthless. Overcome with fear though he was, he remained enough of mind to know that if the killer in their crosshairs had succeeded in his deranged mission and taken Kate from him, his heart would never be the same.</p>
<p>A man prone to action before thought, Rick tore across the intersection and into Kate’s building, threw his weight against her apartment’s locked door, again and again, until it finally surrendered, and he stumbled crashing through.</p>
<p>It resembled a war zone inside. Pockets of flame danced wildly all around him, devouring the plaster and wood that had, until moments before, long held Kate safe and secure. The smoke in the air burned his mouth and his nostrils, his lungs, but he continued to shout her name in spite of it, listening for a reply through the crackles and pops as he moved around the place in frantic search.</p>
<p>“<em>Kate!</em>”</p>
<p>His wrist was throbbing. It hit him out of the blue. He didn’t know how or when or why. There wasn’t time to care.</p>
<p><em>“Beckett!” </em>he stopped and called out again and thought he heard something. He wasn’t sure what, a cough, a voice, but something. Tears from the smoke filled his eyes. He could barely see two feet in front of him, but it was there.</p>
<p><em>“Here!”</em> Kate yelled back with her every bit of breath, and Rick came tripping into the bathroom in his haste, tumbling to the floor with a howl when he attempted to break his fall and landed on his already badly injured wrist.</p>
<p>With the jolt of adrenaline his being there injected into her, she climbed out of the bathtub she’d dived into just as the bomb blew, and though shaken and sore as hell, crawled to him through the field of splintered bits of wood and tile that littered the floor. It was only then that she understood the reason behind his wail of pain.</p>
<p>“Beckett, you’re still in one piece,” he said sounding goofy, almost like the buzz of alcohol was talking, except he’d had none.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Castle, and you’re a mess. No, wait, wait, don’t move it.” Instinctively, he tried to lift it, but she swiftly intervened. “Don’t move it, I said. Let me.” Kneeling beside him, she helped him to sit up, holding his right arm as still as she could. “It’s definitely broken. You need a doctor.”</p>
<p>Rick granted his deformed wrist merely a peep, then proceeded to examine Kate very thoroughly, which was how she was reminded of her current state of undress. “Shit,” she muttered. “I was in the shower when you called.” Her eyes scanned the bathroom, found nothing in any condition to cover herself with.</p>
<p>“My sweater,” he said. He’d hurried from the loft without a jacket. “Take it. Help me get it off and take it.” Sirens began to wail from a distance, growing louder by the second. “Come on, before the cavalry gets here. They don’t get to see you like that.”</p>
<p>Kate muzzled the beginnings of a smile, tugged his good arm free of the sweater, and worked gingerly around the other. “Careful, Castle. Try not to bend it.”</p>
<p>“That’s what she said,” he quipped, and a hint of laughter escaped her. “And, hey, don’t you be ogling me now, Detective. This is a chivalrous act on my part, not some backhanded attempt at a come-on.”</p>
<p>She slid him the oft slid side-eye. “Sure it isn’t.” Pulling the sweater down over her naked body, she found it an amusing number of sizes too large for her frame, but it carried his warmth and his scent, both of which she took quiet pleasure in. “And thank you, Castle,” she added, her eyes wandering the skin she’d exposed in defiance of his humorous admonition, “for this and--”</p>
<p>Just then, a duo of firemen in full gear rushed through the front door. “Is anyone in here?” one of them called out before coming around the corner and discovering Rick and Kate on the floor together, each half-clothed, his arm resting in her hands. “Is it just you two? Is there anyone else in the apartment?” He crouched beside Rick once the pair confirmed they were alone, took a quick inventory of the situation. “Is the wrist the only injury? Are you hurt, ma’am?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m fine. I’m NYPD. He needs a hospital.”</p>
<p>“The ambulance was right behind us. We’ll get him taken care of.” He used his walkie-talkie to call it downstairs, hollered for his partner, who was now one of several bustling about the place. “We need to get you folks out of here. Follow Jimmy, do exactly as he tells you.”</p>
<p>Down on the street, Rick sat in the back of the ambulance being tended to by a paramedic, while Kate, now wrapped in a blanket, finished up her phone call with Montgomery. Her face was streaked from the smoke and from the water that’d been handed to her to help clean it away, and through reddened eyes she glanced over at her smoldering building, then back at Rick, where she parked them.</p>
<p>“I asked them for a lollipop for being such a good patient,” Rick told her when she leaned her shoulder against the corner of the rig. “They thought I was kidding.”</p>
<p>“Maybe they didn’t think you were all that good, Castle. I could understand that,” she teased. He, too, had a blanket draped across his shoulders. She could no longer see his skin, but she did catch herself trying to. “Does it hurt?”</p>
<p>He recoiled his neck, as though offended. “Are you kidding? Can I interest you in a game of tennis, Detective?” When he unthinkingly mimed a swinging motion, he winced, and in no small way. “Okay, maybe a little. On the plus side, I did get to see you naked, not that I looked… much.” Kate blushed beneath her blackened cheeks. He grinned before it faded into something more somber. “I’m not used to this, but I’m finding it difficult to know what to say. I’m just grateful you’re okay.”</p>
<p>A car came to a screeching stop close by and Kate looked over her shoulder. “I need to go deal with Shaw, Castle. I’m going to go by the precinct after and talk to Montgomery and then I’ll come to the hospital. Do you want me to call Martha and Alexis?”</p>
<p>“Go. I got it. I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>They lingered in one another a moment, then Kate went.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>“Mother, I have an--Can you scratch the top of my ear?”</p>
<p>Standing in a curtained cubicle at the hospital, Martha slowly turned her head the way of her son, who was sitting at the edge of the bed, a fresh cast secured over his arm. “Not that I’m not relieved you’ll live to fight another day, kiddo, but why do I get the feeling this is somehow where your nightmare ends and ours begins?” She took the few necessary steps--albeit absent hustle--scratched as he’d requested. “Two hands, one cast,” she reminded him in that tread-lightly tone of hers.</p>
<p>Rick caught her unsubtle gist, as evidenced by his pivot in facial expression. How long before it fluttered out the other ear was another matter, however.</p>
<p>“On behalf of the citizens of New York, Mother, let me just say we’re all very glad you didn’t decide to take up nursing.”</p>
<p>The curtain slid open then and Alexis came back through. She’d gone off to find coffee, not that hospital coffee ever made anything going on in a hospital any better. In fact, often quite the opposite.</p>
<p>“Your grandmother threatened the patient while you were gone,” he announced, earning quizzical eyes. In them he saw clearly who was on whose team. He took the flimsy paper cup his daughter offered, raised it. “When this cools from scalding and I can drink it without melting my insides, I’ll decide if I should thank you for it or disown you.”</p>
<p>“He’s crabbier than when I left,” Alexis mumbled to Martha.</p>
<p>“Katherine hasn’t come by, nor has she called. He’s been checking his phone every five seconds.” When they simultaneously turned their attention to him, he was doing just that. “See? You know you can call her Richard. Phones do work two ways.”</p>
<p>Alexis snickered.</p>
<p>“Helpful, thanks,” he sassed without tearing his eyes from the screen. Suddenly, Kate’s image appeared there. Martha curled her arm around Alexis’s shoulder when she sensed his instantaneous comfort. “Hey, I was starting to worry. Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>“They sent me home, Castle. They pulled me off the case,” Kate told him with a combination of anger and dejection, on a night already filled with both and then some. “Shaw said I’m too close to it now and Montgomery backed her up. He wouldn’t even listen to me.”</p>
<p>“Are they wrong?” he replied after a pause. That was him talking to the civilian, not to the cop, not that she’d hear it that way, he knew. “This guy blew up your apartment tonight, Beckett, with you <em>in</em> it.” Martha ushered Alexis out of the cubicle to give him a minute alone. “So, what are you going to do?” She was quiet. “Where are you going to go?”</p>
<p>Kate pushed her fingers through her wet hair. She’d showered at the 12<sup>th</sup>, put on the workout clothes she kept stashed there in a bag. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll go to my--”</p>
<p>“Come to the loft. I’m just waiting to be released from the hospital. Meet me there. Stay with us.”</p>
<p>“What? Castle, no. I’m not staying with you at the loft.”</p>
<p>He would’ve expected no other response. “My reasons are better than yours,” he argued confidently. “It’s safe. There’s plenty of room. And we can still work the case, together.” A notable silence followed. “Look, Beckett, I’m not asking you to move in forever. It’s been an awful night. Just let me do this for you. You’d do the same for me.”</p>
<p>A hint of a smile cracked Kate’s eyes. “You know what happens when you assume, Castle.”</p>
<p>“Glad to see you’ve lost your home but not your sense of humor, Detective. Give me an hour,” he said and hung up.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>More bleary than reluctant, though the scale was nearly balanced, Kate had nothing but a gym bag over her shoulder when she showed up at the loft, and for all she knew as she stood there at his door, that bag and its meager contents were all she had left in the world. She couldn’t even begin to process what that meant, or the weight of it. She knew she hurt. Hurt was certain.</p>
<p>Rick opened when she finally pressed the buzzer--an act of some deliberation, to be sure--his eyes telling a story of surprise, somehow more so than her own. Three years with her had taught him better than to expect an outstretched hand, even a hand reaching out for one offered; yet there she was, taking his.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think you’d actually come,” he said, verbalizing what she could already see.</p>
<p>“Neither did I, honestly.” He stepped aside, invited her in. “A red cast, Castle? Really?” She shook her head as she passed, muttered something to herself about how she should’ve guessed. “How does it feel?”</p>
<p>With a “Pfft,” Rick shifted again into downplaying mode. “This thing? This is nothing. I’m fine. You should see the other guy, though.”</p>
<p>Kate slowly came around. “You mean my floor? The one you tripped over your own feet and wiped out on?”</p>
<p>“Excuse me, Detective. Fact check alert.” He pushed the door and let it slam shut, stepped up close. “There was no tripping. There was no wiping out. There was plenty of heroic me, however, and your front door definitely lost the fight.”</p>
<p>Kate rolled on her heels, walked over to the breakfast bar, and set her bag down. “Pretty big talk for defeating an inanimate object, Castle. If you ever want to, you know, show me how it’s done, let me know,” she mocked. “Where are Martha and Alexis?”</p>
<p>“They took a walk down to the market to grab a few things. We figured if you showed up, you’d probably need toiletries and stuff, and we didn’t have a lot of extra laying around. They were going to pick up some food for breakfast, too.” He immediately put a hand up to preemptively silence what he knew was coming. “It’s not too much, Beckett. It’s toothpaste. It’s eggs.”</p>
<p>Her chin had already dropped before he said anything. It felt like too much, or a lot, odd if nothing else. She hadn’t imagined the first night she’d find herself there to stay would come by way of a madman’s timetable and not her own. Hell, the fact that she’d imagined it at all and now found herself there had her riled enough as it was. But she had imagined, often.</p>
<p>“It’ll just be for a night or two, Castle. I’ll figure something out.”</p>
<p>“Beckett. Kate,” he tried when at first she didn’t raise her eyes to him. “This place is your place, for as long as you need it. We--all of us--want you to know that.” Standing in front of her, he perched his elbow up on the bar, gave her a once-over. “Because I know you as well as I do, I can say this with some confidence. I’d guess being here might just be more difficult for you than having your apartment destroyed by a bomb. You’re a fascinating creature, Katherine Beckett. How did I get so lucky?”</p>
<p><em>How did I get so lucky?</em> she thought but didn’t say. There were times when that feeling seemed stronger than her fight, times when she wanted so desperately to let it overtake her, to let herself say and do all the things she wanted to say and do.</p>
<p>“<em>Think</em> you know, Castle,” she countered, though he was right. That was how they played their game, after all. “But thank you, for having me here and for fighting my door.”</p>
<p>Their shared smile was broken up by the return of Martha and Alexis, who walked in together giggling like a couple of schoolgirls, voices elevated, bags in hand.</p>
<p>“Home from successful battle,” Martha exclaimed, raising her loot up high. “And there she is. Hello, Katherine, darling.” She set the bags on the floor where she stood, marched straight for Kate, and wrapped her up in a hug. “Dreadful, just dreadful. We’re so relieved you’re all right. And my god look at you.” She took her cheeks in her hands. “Gorgeous, even after all of this terrible business.”</p>
<p>The woman had a personality that could overwhelm a barreling hurricane, Kate knew, so that it was she who had her on the verge of tears for the first time that night was of no surprise. “Thank you, Martha. I’m sorry you had to go back out just for me. Hey, Alexis,” she added when the girl touched her sweetly on the arm as she walked by.</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t be silly. You know we’d do anything for you.” Kate believed that. “Alexis, grab those shortbread cookies we just bought from the bag, won’t you?” Alexis was already in the kitchen unloading everything. “Richard, did you offer Katherine some tea?”</p>
<p>“Not yet, Mother, no,” he answered, which was a mistake he realized too late.</p>
<p>“Honestly, you weren’t raised by wolves. Where are the manners?” she shrugged.</p>
<p>Kate’s eyes shot Rick’s way. His were practically rolling out of his head. “It’s fine, Martha, really. I just got here a couple of minutes ago.”</p>
<p>Martha went around the bar into the kitchen, gave Rick a bump of the hip. “She’s going easy on you, taking pity on you in your wounded state. That’s a nice girl.”</p>
<p>“She can take anything she wants on me,” he replied casually, pulling down a couple of tea tins from the cabinet. “Or off me, actually.” He looked up, found Kate. “I’ve made that clear, right?” he asked with a wink in his voice. “Earl grey or chamomile?”</p>
<p>“Either’s fine, thanks.” She let the other comment go, for any number of reasons. “But you really don’t have to go to any trouble, you guys. I know it’s late.”</p>
<p>“That’s enough, Katherine,” Martha admonished. “There is no trouble to be found here. We’ll all sit, relax, enjoy a cup of tea and some cookies, and then Alexis and I will leave the two of you to… whatever, all right?”</p>
<p>Kate felt a rush of warmth travel across her neck, felt it climb up into her cheeks and settle. Where her mind had gone with the spark of such a harmless word as ‘whatever’ had her promptly flustered.</p>
<p>“Beckett?” Rick tilted his head in concern. “Beckett, are you okay? It seemed like you went off somewhere just now,” he told her when she snapped back in. Martha and Alexis were already gathered on the sofa. She’d missed when that’d happened. “Water’s on. Go, sit. I’ll bring it over.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said. “Okay.”</p>
<p>It certainly was odd if nothing else.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>Kate let her head fall back against the sofa cushion, draped an arm across her eyes. The bridge between the way her day had begun and the way it was coming to an end seemed an unimaginable design, one for which even a sketch would’ve seemed too absurd, one better suited for the world of Richard Castle fiction.</p>
<p>He was seated there beside her, near but not close. A pillow rested between them--his doing, not hers, surprisingly--and she’d wondered more than once since it appeared there if he’d placed it purposefully. Either way, the image struck her funny. There’d always been something between them, something just as tangible.</p>
<p>“We don’t need to watch the end of this. I’m sorry. I’m keeping you up,” Rick said, pausing the movie they’d all started together before the others had made their exit. “If there’s anything else you need or something you can’t find, let me know. I think I’m going to stay up for a while. Believe it or not, I’m kind of wired.”</p>
<p>“I believe it. You’re a strange man.” She sat up, shook a hand through her hair. “Castle, what you did earlier,” she began in heavier tone, “coming to find me, putting yourself at risk. It was stupid, and I know a thank you isn’t nearly enough, but thank you.”</p>
<p>Rick swiped the pillow and dropped it into his lap. “What can I say? Your life is one of my favorite lives. I mean in general, but also to save. It’s kind of fun to imagine you thinking you owe me. I’ve kept a list of your debts, by the way. It’s exceptionally long.”</p>
<p>She fought a smile. “That’s what she said.”</p>
<p>“Ah, nicely played, Detective. So, I guess I’ll see you in the morning?”</p>
<p>Kate nodded and got up, made her way to the stairs. She was very nearly at the top when he called to her from below.</p>
<p>“I feel like staying up and drinking too much. Do you feel like staying up and drinking too much with me?”</p>
<p>She looked back over her shoulder without a second’s hesitation. “I definitely do,” she said and headed straight back down.</p>
<p>Little more than an hour later, they were both at the finish line of their third round of scotch, and it was going down smooth and easy. A light was on in his office in the distance, and the fireplace was on as well, but Rick had darkened the place otherwise. Martha and Alexis had already been tucked away for a couple of hours and hadn’t made a peep.</p>
<p>“Any woman who can drink me scotch for scotch is a damn sexy woman.” With his weak hand, Rick tipped the bottle, poured another good splash into each of their glasses, inadvertently left some on the table. “I hope you don’t mind me saying.”</p>
<p>Kate peeked at him over the rim she held to her lips. “I don’t. Clearly that surprises you,” she went on when he craned his brow.</p>
<p>She was the first to bow out when their eyes lingered too long, but a very Nikki Heat/Jameson Rook-like scenario was quietly beginning to play out in a corner of her mind she always fought to keep behind locked door. She’d read the book, the tale of their fictional counterparts’ first night together. She’d read it quite a few times. It might’ve been the booze that turned the key that night. It might’ve been the seconds from death. Whatever it was, the visions were suddenly free to roam and they were enjoying their freedom.</p>
<p>“I guess maybe it does. From you, I would’ve expected a punch line to a comment like that. Maybe we should drink too much together more often. I have a whole bunch of things I’d like to try to get away with saying.”</p>
<p>She set her glass back on the table, kicked her feet up beside it. “I hope you always check their IDs before you offer them alcohol, Castle,” she gave with a grin, punctuated it with a half giggle.</p>
<p>“There, see? Don’t be mean, especially after a day like today. We’re having a perfectly nice time drowning our sorrows.”</p>
<p>They were, and Kate knew he was the only one that could’ve made her forget any of it, even for one second. Among all the things he’d brought to her life across their three years--most of which she’d never told him of--that’d been one of the most treasured gifts.</p>
<p>With her body stretched and her eyes shut, she spoke from a far different place. “This a-hole blew up my home, Castle, my life. How do I… What do I even do with that?”</p>
<p>Rick shifted on the sofa, mimicked her position. “You use all of it. You use all the anger and fear and whatever else there is, and you find him. <em>We</em> find him. After that, you just keep moving forward, Beckett, because that’s the only way we all survive when terrible things happen. Stuff is stuff, and you can always get more of it. You have what you need. You have your friends. You have your father. You have Josh.”</p>
<p>“Right,” she acknowledged in brief time, sounding less than convincing, though not sharing more. “Pour, Castle,” she said, and that’s exactly what he did.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late, and though it’d been through an ordeal, Rick’s body didn’t seem to care. He’d turned off his bedside lamp and lasted all of fifteen minutes before he had it back on again and a book in his hand.</p>
<p>He was a good man. He didn’t doubt that, and he’d asked Kate to come and to stay with only the purest of intentions. He just hadn’t realized how it would feel if she actually took him up on it, to have her that close and yet still so painfully out of his reach. It felt like a thing he hated: a great book with the wrong ending.</p>
<p>After unintentionally reading the same paragraph four times, he tossed the book aside. It didn’t matter. It was one of his own. He was a good man, yes. He was also a vain man. For the second time, he extinguished the light, sank into the pillows, and pretended to be tired.</p>
<p>He spotted Kate not long after. In the virtual darkness, she didn’t know she was being watched as she tiptoed along the bookshelves in his office, her phone in hand acting as a makeshift flashlight on her adventure. She wasn’t tired either, apparently. She’d simply chosen to be more honest about it than he.</p>
<p>Rick let her be for a time. He couldn’t help but find it sweet, whatever it was she was up to, like she was a child snooping for hidden Christmas presents. Eventually she crept past his open bedroom door, stopped on the far side and, after a moment, pulled a book from the shelf.</p>
<p>When she came by again, he finally spoke up. Unsurprisingly, he just couldn’t help himself.</p>
<p>“Did Goldilocks find just the right one?”</p>
<p>“Jesus, Castle.” Kate jumped, lost the book and her phone to the floor, set her palm over her stunned heart. “You scared me. I thought you were asleep.” His light came on again as she was bending to gather what she’d dropped. When she stepped into full view, he had a smile on his face. “I guess you weren’t.”</p>
<p>“Nope, and I sure am glad about it. Nice robe.”</p>
<p>It was Martha’s. She’d insisted Kate have it for her stay, against Kate’s attempts at a kind turndown. It was spotted like a leopard and screamed of its owner. Of its wearer, not so much.</p>
<p>Kate glanced down at her body and noted again how truly silly she looked. It was the robe and the workout clothes and the combination of the two. The result probably would’ve turned out better if she’d reached in and grabbed three random items from a closet blindfolded.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Castle. Like you can ever say no to your mother.” She slid her phone into one of the robe’s pockets. The book, however, she was stuck holding. “I was just… I couldn’t sleep. I thought if I tried reading it might help.”</p>
<p>“No, I get it,” he said, nodding at the book beside him on the bed. “Didn’t work for me.” The smile returned because he could see exactly what was in her hand. “And what did you pick from my library to take to bed with you, Beckett?”</p>
<p>It was <em>Heat Wave</em>. Embarrassingly, she couldn’t help herself, either.</p>
<p>“I told you, Castle. I needed help falling asleep. I figured what better words than yours?”</p>
<p>“Now that’s not very nice.” He wasn’t at all offended, rather amused. “Would you like to come in?” Her lips that’d been closed parted ever so slightly. “Okay then,” he followed when she made no move.</p>
<p>Kate stood there an awkward moment before speaking up. “It’s late. I should--”</p>
<p>“Why aren’t you at Josh’s?” She hummed inquisitively, though she’d heard him. “You’re here. You were considering going to go to your dad’s. I’m just wondering why you didn’t go to Josh’s.”</p>
<p>“Why does all my business have to be your business, Castle? It’s not like you’re some big sharer.”</p>
<p>Rick raised his cast-free hand with her tone. “Okay, take it easy, please. I was only asking. If you don’t want to tell me, don’t. Excuse me for being a curious friend.”</p>
<p>The only person who found that statement more ridiculous than she did was him.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m sure that’s what you’re being,” she mumbled.</p>
<p>He straightened up in bed. “Fine, you want me to share? Go ahead, Beckett, ask me something. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Silence was all he heard. “Right. Okay, how about this? Speaking of books, how about I tell you what meeting you was like. Would you like me to share that? Good, here goes.”</p>
<p>Kate tried to jump in, to offer him an out, because the tone of the conversation had taken a definitive turn for the worse, but he stomped all over it. “You don’t have to--”</p>
<p>“It was like I was just going about my life,” he began, cutting her off, “walking down some quiet street, whistling, minding my own business, when suddenly this old bookshop appeared, and in its front window was a single book, a book so beautiful that I couldn’t just keep walking by. I had to go inside and see it up close. I had to touch it, hold it, smell it, everything. But when I did, I discovered it was locked. It wouldn’t open. Now I couldn’t leave it, though. I didn’t know why, but I had to have it, like only I was supposed to. Like only I was supposed to have walked by that window and seen that book.”</p>
<p>“Castle...” Kate’s eyes were focused on the floor, not on him, because he would’ve seen. He would’ve known.</p>
<p>“So, I took it with me, and it wasn’t easy, but eventually I managed to get through the lock, and I then started to read it. I found all these incredible words on its pages, words I’d never seen before, and the strangest thing happened, Beckett. Every time I thought I’d reached the last chapter, a new one would appear, and I could never put it down.” He paused. That’s when he won her eye. “I don’t ever want to put it down.”</p>
<p>Faced with a divulgence far heavier than she’d been ready for, she tried to take the cheap way out. “Books with magically appearing chapters, Castle? You definitely had too much to drink.” Only she feigned amusement.</p>
<p>“You weren’t supposed to meet someone,” his heart lamented.</p>
<p>That was it. It seemed the unspoken, three-year dance they’d shared was over, and he was lucky. He was already sitting. Kate, on the other hand, suddenly and desperately wished she were.</p>
<p>She canted her body, propped it up against the shelf that framed the doorway, thought back to that day when she had to watch as he walked off with Gina into the Hamptons sunset. “So, what, I’m not allowed to have someone? I was just supposed to be alone forever?”</p>
<p>Rick kicked the covers aside and pushed out of the bed, slowly crossed the room toward her. Her pulse spiked with his every step, her breaths shallow and too many. Her lungs were nearly screaming when he finally stopped, so close.</p>
<p>“No,” he said in answer to a question that though just asked already felt ages old. He reached out and took the book from her hands--the book he’d written for her, because of her--and tossed it onto the bed behind him without even turning, impressive given it’d been his lesser hand. “I’m not drunk, Kate. I’m regretful and envious, but I’m not drunk.”</p>
<p>There was a tiny piece of white thread stuck to his t-shirt at the chest, and it kept drawing her focus. It would’ve been so simple for anyone else to do away with, but not for her. A touch wouldn’t have been just a touch.</p>
<p>“Go to bed, Beckett,” he told her after he’d unknowingly cranked her to full charge, and it had her so piqued that she took a handful of his shirt in a fist, pulled him in, and kissed him hard. When she let go, he raised a finger to his lip, checked it for any remnant of her bite, but found none. “Are you going to regret that in the morning?”</p>
<p>“It is the morning,” she said and brushed his lips again with hers in refutation. Then she plucked the errant thread that’d fixated her and dropped it to the floor, turned, and walked off.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>Kate was last to join everyone in the kitchen the next morning, and she felt a bit like a teenage girl descending the stairs on prom night when she did; all heads turned, all eyes watched, Rick’s being the only pair that cut away before she ever reached the lower landing. She knew that because he’d instantly taken hold of hers, and they weren’t putting up any sort of a fight.</p>
<p>“Good morning, darling.” Martha was the first to greet her, impossibly cheery for the hour. “How about some coffee, hmm? Alexis, pour Katherine a cup, would you? Cream or milk for you?”</p>
<p>Kate and Rick answered in unison, which, apparently commonplace, didn’t stir a response in anyone but the two. One corner of Kate’s lip curved upward. Rick’s brow popped as he muttered something to himself. Neither of the others even batted an eyelash.</p>
<p>Alexis slid the mug she’d filled, and Kate helped herself to the stool beside her, while Rick was tending to scrambled eggs at the stove, and with overly keen interest. He hadn’t looked in her direction again for a second.</p>
<p>“Oh, Dad, I forgot to tell you. I won’t be home until late. I have student council stuff after school.”</p>
<p>That perked Kate up. “I was on student council,” she said. “I’m pretty sure I ran for it on a dare.”</p>
<p>Martha snickered. “And just look at you now, doing good for an entire city, rather than just a measly school. You know, I think I kissed a boy on student council once,” she added, her mind working diligently to call up the memory. “Oh, yes, I certainly did.”</p>
<p>“I beg of you not to tell us about it, Mother,” Rick chimed in as he continued to push a spatula around the pan. “Text me when you’re on your way home, Alexis.”</p>
<p>“I know, Dad. I always do, don’t I?”</p>
<p>Martha stepped up to the counter, passed over the milk, spoke to Kate like they were the only two in the room. “Did you get any sleep? I know being in a strange bed can sometimes be difficult.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, Rick became quite interested. “Mother, can you--Maybe she just wants to have her coffee in peace.”</p>
<p>Kate realized after what’d happened between them, he didn’t know how to be, and she found that charming, and usable.</p>
<p>“I’m a big girl, Castle, thanks. She was only asking,” she tacked on for fun, and he stared her down for it. “I got a bit, yeah. You guys have made everything really comfortable for me. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Martha extended a hand, rested it on top of Kate’s. “Darling, you stay as long as you need to. We’re all happy to have you, and this house is better for it.”</p>
<p>“Eggs are ready,” Rick announced. Alexis swallowed what remained in her glass of juice and jumped up, headed for the door. Martha took her coffee and her bowl of fruit and went back upstairs, leaving he and Kate alone. “And I guess no one wants eggs,” he thought aloud.</p>
<p>“Maybe I want eggs,” Kate said around her first sip of coffee. It wasn’t her usual. It wasn’t her with a cup at her desk, doing what she did best, but it tasted heavenly.</p>
<p>“Maybe you want something, but you’re not saying? Well, color me surprised.”</p>
<p>She had to bite at the inside of her mouth to keep from laughing. It wasn’t that she’d woken up brave or without doubts about what she’d done. It was that he was so clearly unsure about how the hell he was supposed to act around her in the light of day that she couldn’t let pass without a playful nudge.</p>
<p>“Oh, so you’re actually talking to me now. I wondered how long you might try to go without. Not so long, Castle.”</p>
<p>“That’s what she said,” he retorted as he dumped the entire heap of eggs onto a plate for himself. “You look incredible, by the way, considering.” He sounded pained telling her so.</p>
<p>“And you look like you didn’t sleep at all. Maybe have some eggs, Castle,” she ribbed. “Hey, I need to go over to my place this morning, see if I have anything left to my name,” she said after a moment. “I’ll get Montgomery to clear it. Are you and that ridiculous red cast of yours going to come with me?” Their eyes met. “I want you to.”</p>
<p>“Then we are,” he replied, raised a forkful with his feeble left hand, and missed his mouth entirely.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kate yanked down the yellow police tape that hung across her doorway, inhaled and exhaled a deep breath, and then crossed the threshold into the rubble of her home with Rick close behind. It felt impossible that it’d been whole just the day before. Now only pieces of the life it’d held were left. She’d already had to escape the darkness of that test once. She would again, of course, and he was right. The only way was forward. But that did little to quell the anger, which without her work, she no longer had any meaningful outlet for.</p>
<p>“This is bad,” Rick remarked, stepping around a hole in the floor. “Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say. I just, I didn’t realize last night. It all happened so fast.”</p>
<p>She moved around in silence, gritting her teeth. There were things to be saved, she saw, things layered in black from the smoke, down but not out, but she wondered how much of it would really be worth the effort.</p>
<p>Her bedroom had fared better, not that it, too, wasn’t a mess, but the damage there seemed far less. On her hands and knees, she reached under the bed and slid out three totes. They were filled with belongings of her mother that she’d kept, and they’d been spared. If there was to be gratitude for nothing else, at least there would be for that.</p>
<p>“Your clothes in here look pretty good,” Rick said with a peek into the closet. “We can take them all to my place, wash everything. The rest we can have sent out to be dry cleaned. The perks of a concierge building.” He pushed the door closed again. “Or you could just go without clothes. I mean, I have already been there and seen that. No need to be bashful now.”</p>
<p>When he walked over to her, Kate reached down and grabbed the hem of her sweatshirt, lifted it over her head. She was wearing a tank top underneath, but his eyes still lit up like a Christmas tree at the possibility she wasn’t, which was the aim.</p>
<p>“You haven’t seen anything yet, Castle.” He practically gulped. “Now get out of here, so I can change. And don’t touch anything out there. You already owe me for a new door,” she joked. “You keep a list. I keep a list.”</p>
<p>She came out a few minutes later. His head was in his phone, and he didn’t realize she was there. She’d considered not telling him why, just closing the door on it as they’d done in the past, but that didn’t seem fair this time, somehow.</p>
<p>“I did it because I knew you wouldn’t.”</p>
<p>Rick turned. “Did what?” He wore a genuinely puzzled expression.</p>
<p>“Last night, Castle… This morning, whatever. I kissed you because, I don’t know, because every reason I’d ever come up with to convince myself not to suddenly felt like complete bullshit when you were standing that close to me. I mean, I could say it was the scotch or the bomb and all the emotion catching up with me in the moment, but that’d be a lie.” He took a step nearer. “Look, Castle, I don’t know what happens now--<em>if </em>something happens now. I don’t know what it means. Maybe it doesn’t have to mean anything.”</p>
<p>“First of all, I don’t want it to not mean anything. You know that.” He tucked his phone away, pushed his hand into his pocket. “And I’m sorry I have to ask again, but what about Josh, Kate? After being locked in that freezer, when he showed up that night, you said--”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I did, and at the time I thought I meant it. And then we got to celebrate the end of that case, and you walked away because he walked in, and all I wanted to do was go after you, Castle. That was the night I ended it.”</p>
<p>His fingers formed a fist in his pocket, and he squeezed into it every ounce of excitement and relief that shot through him, so he didn’t explode in a thousand pieces right then and there.</p>
<p>“You ended it, that night,” he calmly managed by some miracle, “because of me.” </p>
<p>Her reflex was to argue, to deny, to withhold. Those were the defenses she’d become accustomed to. “I ended it because…” Her apartment was in shambles all around them, the door he’d broken down to get to her literally gone. Despite the very real danger, he’d been there, in it, with her, as he always was. All she had was the truth, so she gave it. “Yes, Castle, I ended it because of you.”</p>
<p>“Okay, sorry, I know this is a really bad morning for you, but mine is officially awesome. I’ll have a lot more to say on this, Detective, so stick around.”</p>
<p>“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” she quipped.</p>
<p>“Watch it with the wisecracks or I might not let you grab me and kiss me again later. For now, tell me how you’d like Scarlett and me to help, so we can get back to trying to find the bastard that did this.”</p>
<p>Kate tossed him one of those looks only he ever seemed to earn. “You didn’t seriously give your cast a name, Castle.”</p>
<p>“We’ve grown very close.”</p>
<p>She shook her head but laughed inside. “Start pulling the stuff on hangers out of my closet and set it on the bed. I’m going to take a closer look around out here and then I’ll be in.” He saluted in acknowledgement of his orders. “Hey,” she called to him when he was nearly out of sight, “what makes you think I want to grab you and kiss you again?”</p>
<p>He responded without even a glance, and then continued on his way. “Please, I was there, remember?”</p>
<p>He was a cocky son of a bitch, but he wasn’t wrong.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>“Everything okay?” Rick asked when Kate hung up and set down her phone. “Who’d you just give my address to?”</p>
<p>They’d been back at the loft for a few hours going over the case, talking it out point by point from the beginning, when she’d gotten the call.</p>
<p>“That was Shaw. She wants to talk but didn’t want to do it over the phone. She’s on her way here.”</p>
<p>His eyes widened with thrill. “A sexy, badass, G-woman is coming here? To my apartment?” He hopped up off the sofa, his head darting around the place. “Do I need to clean up?”</p>
<p>Kate’s eyes slowly rolled upward. “Sexy?” He froze like a deer in headlights. “Sure, Castle, you go ahead and clean up, and then maybe <em>she’ll</em> grab you and kiss you.”</p>
<p>The modest curve of his lips was nothing compared to the wide grin of delight he muzzled. “I love it when you talk jealous to me. And, yes, Detective, powerful, intelligent, independent women are sexy.” He wasn’t speaking of Shaw, of course. She read that in his gaze. “Even more so when they know how to enjoy a fine scotch. Yeah, I think my lips’ll stick with the NYPD over the FBI. There’s probably less paperwork.”</p>
<p>“That’ll be a neat trick, Castle, you somehow managing to do less paperwork than the none you do now.” Her phone buzzed an incoming message. “She’s pulling up.”</p>
<p>Moments later, Rick opened for the agent, invited her inside. Shaw stood in the entryway, gave what she could see of the place a cursory scan, all she seemed to have time for. Her energy always screamed of the need to be done and elsewhere.</p>
<p>“Impressive, Castle,” she said, winding up a pitch in a game he had no idea he was playing. When she had him hooked, she threw the fastball. “Compensating for something, no doubt.” She noticed his cast but wasn’t moved to comment. She’d been trained to notice everything. “Detective Beckett, a word? Alone.”</p>
<p>Dazed, Rick nodded toward his office and the women went.</p>
<p>“What’s this about, Agent Shaw?” Kate inquired curtly. The burn of being benched was still raw.</p>
<p>Her federal counterpart, though only days familiar with her, understood. “I hope he cuts you in on the paychecks, at least.”</p>
<p>Kate perched herself at the edge of Rick’s desk. “I try to be involved as little as possible. The books are Castle’s deal. He gets bored without a toy to play with.”</p>
<p>They weren’t laughing together, but they were.</p>
<p>“We’re moving on something. I know what I said yesterday, and I meant it. You’re too close to this case. You’re also too good not to be out there when this goes down. If you want in, Detective, I need you in right now.”</p>
<p>Kate straightened up immediately. “Let’s go. I’ll get--”</p>
<p>“Just you, Beckett. Castle sits this round. This bastard has already shown how far he’s willing to go. I don’t need a civilian in the mix. I don’t have time to babysit.”</p>
<p>Kate followed when Shaw headed out. It would be a gut punch, but there was no way around it, only through. She walked straight up to Rick, looked him in the eye. “I need to go. I’ll explain, okay?” Shaw was already out the front door. She hadn’t uttered a word. “Wait here, Castle. I’ll be back.”</p>
<p>He heard the signal of the dryer from upstairs when it finished tumbling a load of her clothes.</p>
<p>“I’ll be here, I guess,” he said to an empty room.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>“Katherine didn’t say when she’d be back, Richard?” Martha was in the kitchen cleaning up from the meal the two had shared. Alexis wasn’t home yet but had texted she should be soon. “Shall we set aside a plate for her?”</p>
<p>It’d been hours since Kate had followed Shaw off to God knew where, and he hadn’t heard a peep from her. He was doing his best not to worry. Unfortunately, powerful, intelligent, and independent never guaranteed anyone safe. The events of the past 24 hours had certainly proved that.</p>
<p>“Go ahead, Mother. For Alexis, too, just in case.” He was still at the dining table, his focus largely absorbed by the dancing flames of the fireplace, his hand with a steady grip on his phone.</p>
<p>Martha wandered back over when she was done, affectionately squeezed his shoulder from behind. “I’m sure there was a good reason you had to stay behind, kiddo. Besides, you said she was with that FBI agent. If so, based on everything you’ve told us about her, Beckett’s in capable hands.” She walked around him, pulled out her chair again, and sat. “Speaking of hands, how long until that thing comes off? Here you accuse me of wearing things that are too loud.”</p>
<p>Rick raised his cast, gave it a look. He may’ve been the only one, but he thought it was cool. “Six weeks, probably. And you do. Why do you think I own so many pairs of sunglasses?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you are fresh. So, tell me, what’s the plan? You said Beckett can’t move back to her apartment because of the damage. Is she going to be looking for a new place… or perhaps not looking for a new place?”</p>
<p>Martha was very good at saying things without saying things.</p>
<p>“Yes, Mother, she will be looking for a new place. What else would she do, live at the precinct? Sleep in her cruiser?”</p>
<p>“Well, no, of course not. I just thought maybe you two would finally get your act together and get on with it already. Situations like these--life and death and all of that--have a way of shifting priorities, of bringing together the present and the future. How many situations like these are you going to need, Richard? You told me months ago that your being with her every day was no longer about the Nikki Heat books.”</p>
<p>They were getting on with it, maybe. At least, he hoped they were. If only Kate would come walking through the door, it was his intention to try to find out.</p>
<p>“I can’t suddenly make her want me because a bomb blew up her apartment, Mother. Beckett isn’t like me. She doesn’t just jump into things. She doesn’t live in maybes.” He paused. “But there was… She did kiss me last night.”</p>
<p>“On purpose?” she replied without a beat.</p>
<p>Rick’s brow came together. “Thank you, Mother. Yes, on purpose.” He dipped his head back, stared up at the ceiling. “Why did you even say it?” he asked himself aloud.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, darling. I wasn’t expecting a plot twist is all. See what a good writer you are?”</p>
<p>He got up, pushed in his chair, heard a key slide into the lock as he did. “Alexis is home. Thank God,” he said, relieved that reinforcements had arrived. When the door opened, his daughter came through first, but Kate was right behind her.</p>
<p>“Beckett.” Martha noted the instantaneous change in him with the sight of her and she released a happy mother’s sigh. “You’re back.”</p>
<p>“I found her in the lobby,” Alexis said and pushed the door shut.</p>
<p>Rick crossed to Kate. His daughter got barely a “Hey” as she passed him. “What happened to your forehead?” He reached out to touch the bandage but pulled back.</p>
<p>“It’s just a scratch, Castle, really.” The impulse to hug him was there, in a way it hadn’t been there before. She didn’t act on it, though. “We got him. Shaw’s team cornered him in a warehouse off a tip, and we took him alive. It’s over.”</p>
<p>“A tip?” His voice oozed disappointment. “But that takes all the fun out of it.” Kate rolled her eyes. “What? It just seems like a lot of effort for nothing.”</p>
<p>“It’s not nothing, Castle. It’s the job. It’s <em>my</em> job. It’s why you’re even around. Come on, Nikki Heat’s worked plenty of tips.”</p>
<p>He snickered, almost didn’t say it but it was too good to let pass.</p>
<p>“That’s what she said.”</p>
<p>Kate pushed her tongue into her cheek, smirked. “You’re gross, you know that?”</p>
<p>“You’re back,” he said again, and it felt even better the second time.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kate had taken over Martha’s seat at the table and Rick was there beside her, watching as she did little more than push the food he’d reheated around the plate with her fork.</p>
<p>Martha was upstairs in her room reading. Alexis was doing her homework. He was alone with Kate and the night was quiet, and everything about it felt palpably familial to him, different and yet right in a way he didn’t fear, but rather experienced as a comfort. </p>
<p>“If you don’t like it, it’s okay. Let me make you something else. Anything you want.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s good, Castle. It is. I guess I’m just not that hungry.”</p>
<p>The problem with the case being over was that with it went the blessing of its distraction, leaving nothing to help cushion the blow, to stand between her and the magnitude of what’d happened, and Rick could already see and hear the effects.</p>
<p>“What are you?” He relieved her of the fork, slid the plate away. “Talk to me.”</p>
<p>She sat a moment without saying a word. “I’m tired, Castle.”</p>
<p>An idea sprung to mind, and he stood up, offered her his hand. “Come with me. Come on,” he nudged when she returned a squint of suspicion. “You’ll like this, I promise.”</p>
<p>He led her through his bedroom and into his bathroom, told her to sit up on the vanity and relax for a couple of minutes until he returned. When he did, he had a bottle of something tucked under his arm.</p>
<p>“What is that? Or wait, do I even want to know?”</p>
<p>“Shush. I am going to run you a hot bath, which you are going to soak in for as long as you like.” He flashed her the bottle of bubble bath he’d borrowed from Martha. “Then, you are going to put on fresh clothes, which yours truly finished washing, drying, and folding for you today while you were off slaying dragons. We’ll add that to the list of your debts to me later. After that, sleep.”</p>
<p>Rick turned on the water in the tub and let it run to temperature, poured in the bubbles, and then set the bottle on the counter beside her. Without thought, Kate reached out and trailed her fingertips down the front of his sweatshirt like it was a thing she did often, like she hadn’t just hours before been afraid a touch far less intimate might crack her wide open.</p>
<p>“I bet the folding part was extra fun with your girl, Scarlett, helping out,” she said. “I guess I’ll be spending my day tomorrow ironing.”</p>
<p>“I see. Funny is what you are.”</p>
<p>“Give me ten minutes and then come back and sit with me, keep me company?”</p>
<p>He nodded. “Glass of wine?” When she nodded back, he went and gave her space.</p>
<p>He knocked when he returned, entered with a single glass in hand and a candle shoved into each of the front pockets of his jeans. She was already submerged in the bubbles and their scent had filled the air.</p>
<p>“You’re not having any?”</p>
<p>“One-hand wonder, remember? I’m going to need multiple trips for a few weeks.” He set the glass beside her, lit the candles. “God, you look beautiful in there. I thought you might prefer softer light.” He went for the door again. “Almost ready, promise.”</p>
<p>Finally, with a glass for himself and a pillow for the floor, he sat.</p>
<p>“Took you long enough,” she teased. “And you’re right, Castle. I do like this. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Rick took a sip of wine. “Hopefully, it ends better than the last time you were in a bathtub. And you’re welcome. Thank you for inviting me to join you. I’ve missed being close to you when you’re naked.”</p>
<p>“Missed it, since yesterday? Uh-huh. Well, don’t get used to it. These are unique circumstances.”</p>
<p>He angled his body back against the wall, kicked out his legs. “You certainly are unique, Detective. And you’re going to find a great new place, you know, even better than before. Not that I’m trying to get rid of you. Guests who like to read my books and kiss me out of the blue are welcome here anytime.”</p>
<p>A hush fell over the room.</p>
<p>“Can I ask you something?” he spoke into it. Kate’s eyes were closed, her body still. She hummed in acknowledgement and he went on. “What did you tell Josh? When you ended things with him that night, what did you tell him?”</p>
<p>“I told him the truth, Castle. I told him I wanted more than that relationship was or ever could be.” She popped one eye open. “What you really wanted to ask me was if I talked about you, and the answer is no. What you and I are or aren’t is between us and no one else.”</p>
<p>She knew him, too.</p>
<p>“Other than Alexis, no one has ever made me think more about the man I’m not than you.” He chuckled as soon as it came out of his mouth. “Sorry, I’m sure that probably sounded terrible. I just meant everything about the kind of person you are has always inspired me to want to be better, in my work, for Alexis, for you. I’ve tried to be, but… I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Kate felt a knot tighten in her throat and tried to swallow it away. His words could’ve been hers. She understood them so completely that it was as if she’d heard them in her own voice, yet through his she found even greater sadness in them. That he would believe he wasn’t enough, that she hadn’t found the courage to tell him he was more than she’d ever hoped to find in another person, made her heart ache.</p>
<p>She slowly sat up, inched her body nearer, rested her chin on her folded arms at the tub’s edge. “Can I ask you something?”</p>
<p>“Shoot.”</p>
<p>“Okay, but it’s kind of a secret question. I have to whisper it, so you have to come closer.”</p>
<p>Rick wiggled forward until they were face-to-face in the dreamy candlelight. “You rang?” he said in a goofy voice, but she didn’t laugh, didn’t even crack a smile. Instead, her mouth sought his, unhurried and gentle, and he met it with equal tenderness.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said in a breath half his. It was an admission in whisper, one escaped not shared of will.</p>
<p>He pressed his lips against the fingers she had curled around the porcelain. “Stay as long as you want. My robe’s hanging on the back of the door when you’re done. You can wear it upstairs.” He got up, left the pillow and his wine.</p>
<p>“Castle, you don’t have to go. That’s not--”</p>
<p>“As long as you want,” he echoed and pulled the door closed behind him.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>Rick was sitting at his desk when Kate came out of the bathroom. Accustomed to typing electronic notes when book ideas struck, yet unable to key them with a speed and accuracy that didn’t infuriate, given his injury, he was scribbling out longhand a few that’d recently come to mind. As it turned out, that method was exponentially more infuriating.</p>
<p>She stopped in the doorway between the bedroom and the office, caught a glimpse of the scowl on his face in the seconds she had before he noticed her, and wondered if she’d been responsible for putting it there. Those were awful seconds.</p>
<p>“I’d take a picture if I didn’t think you’d break my other wrist afterward,” he joked, swiveling his chair for a better view. “I think a few of you could fit in that thing.”</p>
<p>Kate had wrapped herself in his robe as he’d suggested, and whereas the sweater he’d taken off his back for her the previous night had been far too large for her frame, she was positively swimming in his navy cashmere, so much so that she had the tie at the waist wrapped around hers twice.</p>
<p>“I guess it’s only fair that I let you borrow some of my clothes now. You cleaned most of them. See anything you like?”</p>
<p>He slid his pen onto the desk, tilted back. “Yeah,” he said, from his expression clearly flashing on something nirvanic, “but it’s probably best I keep my thoughts on that to myself.” She took a step inside. “How do you feel? Relaxed?”</p>
<p>Her body was, more so, at least. Her mind wasn’t, not since he’d left her without any explanation.</p>
<p>“Are you angry with me, Castle?” She wanted to push her hands into the robe’s pockets but couldn’t find them amidst all the loose fabric. “Did I do something?”</p>
<p>Rick laughed with his eyes. “No, Beckett, I’m not angry with you. How could I be angry with such an adorable blue blob?”</p>
<p>“Stop. You could’ve just brought me your mom’s robe. Even the spots would’ve been better than this thing.”</p>
<p>“I could’ve, but this is much more fun.” He pushed up out of the chair, came around the desk, lowered onto its corner. “Really, I’m not angry,” he reiterated earnestly.</p>
<p>“Then what are you, Castle?” she asked, volleying his earlier query back over the net. “Why did you just get up and leave?”</p>
<p>His eyes dropped to the floor, climbed their way back up her body. “I’m tempted, Kate, and that isn’t a good thing for me to be if you aren’t sure you’re ready for it. It seemed like it’d be easier for both of us if I backed away. Trust me. As difficult as it’s been for me to be around you all the time, I’ve gotten really good at that. And please know this isn’t some passive attempt at pressure. If we’re finally going to do this, I just want us to do this together.”</p>
<p>Kate closed their distance, much as he had in the darkness of hours before. “I don’t want easy, anymore, Castle, not if easy means I have to try to forget the way I let myself feel this morning or working beside you on the case today or in there just now. I’m sorry if what I said made you think I wanted you to go. The truth is I don’t know what I’m doing, Castle, because I’ve never let myself feel anything like this before.”</p>
<p>Rick hooked one of the robe’s dangling sleeves with his fingers and gave it a playful tug. “Are you trying to get me to grab you and kiss you this time, Detective, because I could be convinced. As I recall, I did that a few months back, and you were pretty enthusiastic about it.”</p>
<p>“Anyone ever tell you that you have a very convenient memory, Castle?”</p>
<p>“You know, I can’t remember.” He pushed in and lovingly kissed the bandage on her forehead. “Go up and get dressed, get comfortable. I’m going to change, too. If you decide you want to come back down--again, no pressure--know that I’d be happy about that.”</p>
<p>Kate left the office knowing she wouldn’t be gone long.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>“I can call my realtor for you if you want. She helped me find this place and the Hamptons house. I’m sure she could find you something.”</p>
<p>They were sitting side by side on his bed, had been for the near hour since Kate had returned, and though both wanted to be doing something other than talking, neither had yet made that first move to initiate it.</p>
<p>“Your realtor’s commission on one listing is probably more than I make in a year, Castle. I don’t think she’d be interested in wasting her time on someone with a cop’s bank account. Thanks, but I think I’ll just look around for myself.”</p>
<p>Rick rolled his head her direction. “You aren’t and never could be a waste of time. I won’t push it, but if you change your mind, let me know. She’d do it if I asked, happily. And, for what it’s worth, I happen to be a fan of your…” He scanned her from head to toe with his eyes. “Bank account. If you decide you’d like some company on your search, I’d like to help.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I’ll just think about that one for a while and let you know. Your kind of help isn’t always the most helpful, Castle.” She flipped her palm upright on the bed in invitation, and he responded with his own. “I do appreciate the offer, though.” Her fingers closed around his, gave them a gentle squeeze. “You have soft hands,” she said, an observation she’d never shared. “I remember thinking that the first time I tried to get rid of you.”</p>
<p>“Please, you’ve never tried to get rid of me.” He chuckled at her delusion, and she at his. “You’re here, after three years, lying on my bed, <em>with</em> me. If you did try, you suck at it,” he said with a smirk.</p>
<p>Kate huffed a familiar huff of exasperation, curled her legs up beneath her. He was so proud. He’d teed it up so perfectly for her. But she wouldn’t swing. There would be no punch line.</p>
<p>On her knees, she leaned in for his lips, brushed them with hers in promise. “Together,” she whispered and then kissed him as she’d often dreamed it could be, for the first time of forever.</p>
<p> </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Epilogue</h2></a>
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    <p>The two of them and a lamp. There was nothing else in the room.</p>
<p>A couple of months had passed, and they were standing against opposite walls, facing one another, like children in some schoolyard game before the chirp of a whistle that would send them racing toward the coveted prize awaiting them in the middle. Only, the room was the prize, and it was all Kate’s.</p>
<p>“So, you really like it?” she asked despite the numerous beams of praise he’d already cast on the place. “There were other people interested, so I didn’t have a lot of time to think about it.”</p>
<p>“I’d say it’s more that I really love it, actually. If I had to choose an apartment for you, I’d choose this one, no thinking required.” Rick’s eyes came back to her. “It’s perfectly you.” Kate smiled and lit up the room beyond any effort the solitary bulb was putting forth. “You should see how beautiful you look in it.”</p>
<p>With cat-like fixation and a deliberate, heeled step, Kate set off his way and didn’t stop until her whole body was pressed against his. “Why do you say things like that when I don’t have a bed to do anything about it?” Her mouth came for his, hummed its satisfaction when it got back everything it gave.</p>
<p>Rick’s now two able fists eased, and her shirt slid back over her hips. “I think we’ve proven we can do pretty impressive work without a bed, Detective. If a reminder’s in order, I could--”</p>
<p>“Hold that thought,” she told him with a nibble of his neck. “I ordered us a pizza. It should be here in a few minutes.”</p>
<p>“Wow, dinner <em>and</em> dessert. Who’s the lucky writer tonight?” Still buzzing, she wandered off again, giddily drawing her fingertips along the bare walls as she moved. “Pretty special night, first pizza delivery in the new digs. Thanks for the invitation. I bet your dad’s going to miss having you around.”</p>
<p>She’d been out of the loft and staying with her father for more than six weeks. As she’d expected, it’d been nice, but not always easy.</p>
<p>“I think he’s pretty happy to be getting his space back,” she replied with a chuckle. “I definitely am.”</p>
<p>Rick stared off into the distance with exaggerated longing. “Imagine what that must be like… Space,” he sighed, bemoaning his own lack thereof. “My mother brought a date home the other night. He offered me peppermint candy and called me ‘champ.’ “</p>
<p>“Your mother’s wonderful, Castle. And she loves you more than she loves anything. Give her a break.”</p>
<p>He knew how lucky he was. He did. He also hated that he’d never be able to give back to Kate what it was she wanted most.</p>
<p>“I’m proud of you, you know, getting through all of this the way you have, actually letting me help a little bit. I know that isn’t a small thing for you. It hasn’t been for me, either.”</p>
<p>Back where she started, standing across the empty room with the solitary lamp, Kate’s heart began to thump when she realized she was about to free the words she’d held captive inside her for so long, words that’d only grown purer and truer in the weeks since he’d walked through fire for her.</p>
<p>“I do love you,” she said, like he’d known all along.</p>
<p>Maybe he had, but the time for playing that game would be later.</p>
<p>“I love you, too,” he responded, simple and sweet.</p>
<p>When Kate’s phone rang, she answered it, but she never looked away. “Okay, thanks.” She hung up, slipped it back into her pocket. “The pizza’s here. I’m going to go down and grab it.”</p>
<p>Rick waited until she was out of the room, but she did catch his “That’s what she said,” and smiled even bigger than she already was.</p>
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